Early in my journey of personal pelvic bowl work, I began to discover my inner power and experience tremendous healing. That new sense of identity brought on one of the most creative phases of my life. The picture shown with this post is of me during a body painting project when the stars wre painted on my body. Creative expression has always been part of what fuels me, and my creativity experienced huge waves after my healing began.
Discovering that my body held so much power, and finding my own way of connecting to myself and others totally transformed my life.
It’s like waking up one day to discover you are the long lost heir to a kingdom. A given birthright. Something you didn’t have to earn but something you just get for being you.
That’s how I hope you will see the power within your body. I hope you will begin to believe you deserve to access and harness your inner power.
Sometimes I meet women who are so trapped into their situation in life that they just accept the way they are and feel this is their life sentence. I’m talking about trapped mindsets and physical limitations you feel content to suffer in. Don’t let that be you!
There is help and care available to guide you to a better life. It’s vulnerable to acknowledge this about yourself and step forward to undergo the healing process, but it is so worth it! Please seek out a trusted guide to direct you through the process. Quit waiting for that miraculous, spontaneous healing to show up, and instead dive into the emotional work of reclaiming your identity and making your claim on your full womanhood.
Still not taking action?
Could that be because someone(s) has told you aren’t worth it? Have you believed the lies that you’re beyond help, you’re too complicated, that your suffering is normal, etc? It’s time to quit being the victim of society’s conditioning.
You are worth the help. You are capable of healing. And you can find the support to transform your life. Joy, pleasure, and love is your birthright. It’s time to claim it.
Remember my photo?
That photo session happened all because I was willing to take a leap of faith and believe a better life was possible for me. I sought out the help I needed to heal my female body. This photo snapped a moment when my creativity was so alive as a result of my healing process. I was pulsing with creative energy during this project. The anxiety and chaos that held me back for years had shifted.
The same can be true for you. I know because I’ve been blessed to guide hundreds of woman through that same journey. Just like Diana. Hear what she had to say of her experience:
“Alicia has opened and empowered my heart, mind, and soul! The work I have done with her has added a whole new level of “rest” to my life, and my overall happiness has expanded beyond belief.
Alicia makes you feel seen, heard and held. She is nurturing and loving. Her way of working with cycles and patterns in the body is revolutionary. I would recommend her to anyone, she is a rare true gift in this world.”
Is that what you want for your own life?
I hope so.
Sincerely I wish that for you. No sales pitch here. Just an honest blessing that you will seek and find the help you need. You deserve it. You are worth it.
And you won’t regret it.
As a follow up to the burnout & emotions posts, I want to discuss de-armoring. This word / technique is something that a lot of people are using so I encourage you to be careful about what you hear / practice etc. The way I’m discussing de-armoring is the way I’ve been trained and how I use this practice for myself and my work. It’s based on the Reichian armor ring theory in addition to a gentle / slow approach to unwinding tissue / body patterns that is trauma-informed. The “soft-touch approach” instead of manipulative / hard-touch.
There are many deep experiences that run through the pelvic bowl (check out my post on emotions for a practice to begin there). De-armoring is simply unwinding or releasing patterns in the body. These patterns could be emotional, relational, physiological, ancestral. Many layers can come up and out depending on how far you go. Please know that one layer at a time, at a pace that feels sustainable to you is the best way to let your body integrate and not be blown out of the water / stressed to the point where you say “I don’t want to do that again!” I always bring this up because a lot of people who are into healing / evolution / growth can often bulldoze past the boundaries of their own body which ends up over-riding the system. One of my favorite mentors said to me once “it takes many lifetimes to unwind conditioning, so you may as well take it slow and enjoy.”
So…body armor. What is this?
The de-armoring process I relate to uses a spectrum that can relate to physical, emotional, and mental experiences and manifestations in the body. On one end of the spectrum is numb / disconnected / frozen. On the other end of the spectrum is alive, warm, spongy, vital, healthy tissue.
How do we get from numb or dead to warm and healthy?
This is an interesting question. A lot of the medical world says that dead tissue / dead nerves cannot come back alive. I wonder about this. From my work, I have felt nerves that feel like they are completely offline. Sometimes, after much time and practice and healing work, those nerves return to life. I’ve felt it in my hands. So…just saying 🙂
Back to the spectrum. If one end of the spectrum is numb, we start there. Breathing into numbness can be challenging because it can be disturbing, boring or anything else we associate with numb. But if we stick with it, that numbness can melt like an ice cube. It will often turn into a tension or pain pattern next. Again, stick with it. If we keep feeling and staying, that tension / pain will sometimes unfold into an emotional release. Sometimes it’s just a physical thing and there’s no emotion. When there is a big emotion, this can be intense and challenging but if we give love, permission, care, and time, that emotional release often gives way to an expansion and openness. In the body. In the heart. In the emotional space. In the mind. This expansion is so beautiful and in the body shows up as an opening, warmth, aliveness, tingles. Vitality is powerful!
Now, the whole spectrum doesn’t always happen in one focal experience. Sometimes it takes many inquiries. Sometimes it takes many cycles of different layers. This is the “it never ends” aspect of de-armoring. There is always more and that in itself is a beautiful thing because it allows us to have no goal. There’s nowhere to be except exactly where we are, and this is something I am always holding with my clients. We are simply being with “what is.” Permission to be, where we are, is the way to get to wherever we are going.
Curious about de-armoring? This is the main way that I work.
If you want to start to practice de-armoring with yourself, here is a beginning practice:
– put a hand on your body somewhere that feels in need, send care through your hand. say a prayer to yourself “whatever is ready to be known, felt, heard, I am here. I am listening.”
– find somewhere in your body that feels nourishing, safe, warm. If there’s nothing, find something neutral (surely your nose or pinky finger has some kind of resource available for you). if there’s nothing in the body available, use an image of somewhere safe and beautiful.
– take 3-5 breaths there and notice what you feel in your sensations in your body
– now find something in your mind, body, heart that feels challenging and uncomfortable. take 3-5 breaths here. put your hand there is that feels helpful. notice what you feel
– return to the nourishing, safe, place. breathe here
– keep alternating until you feel just a little tired and pause. beginning with 5-10 minutes is a good way to get used to this practice
– if you are familiar with working with your internal pelvic bowl / floor tissues, you can do this same practice just with the inside of your body (with your hand or tool, find somewhere in the tissue that is nourishing & supportive, breathe with it, then find somewhere in the tissue that is challenged / tense / whatever you are willing to feel)
– give simple thanks to your body (thank you, I love you, I see you, good work)
If this is simply not possible for you, you may want to consider working with a counselor. A body-based counselor can be a great way to begin to inquire into these levels. If you’re ready to work with your body in these ways but need support and a container, please reach out to me, it is my greatest joy to offer this service to you all.
With love, Alicia
The pelvic bowl is like an emotional storage space. There are many deep emotions that run through these tissues. I’m going to give a container for those emotions and practice about how to work with yourself in this post. The uterine, pelvic bowl center is by nature a space of shadow, it’s dark and protected.
This is your power. Your intuition. Your creation space. Often people get very afraid of going there and then once they are supported to enter this dialogue, they find it incredibly beautiful, soothing, comforting, powerful, and potent.
The “content” of the pelvic bowl is a wide range.
From feelings about sex (an obvious one), lineage and family history, longing to have a baby, injuries, anxiety about bodily functions, self-esteem and body image, our own birth or giving birth…the list seriously goes on and on.
Liberating the feelings can be intense. And so beautiful. This is my work, this is what I love, this is what I know.
Why would we want to do this? To feel clear and free. Pelvic bowl and bodily freedom is a profound experience. Do you know what it’s like to truly be free?
If you’re curious to begin tapping into this practice, begin here.
I always invite a lot of curiosity and compassion for yourself here:
– place your hands on your lower belly, with your fingers touching your pubic bone and your thumbs upward underneath your belly button. Let your touch be caring, gentle, and present
– take 3-5 deep breaths into this space. Notice if your lower belly can move against your hands
– breathe cleansing into the front, right, back, and left sides of your pelvic bowl. You may use the image of cleaning, brushing, aging, sweeping, water washing, whatever feels most true to you
– check in with your body, simple…”how are you, I want to know you”. Open your internal eyes and ears. You may have sensations, emotion, memories, or stories arise
– allow whatever is there, to be there. Pause judgment, resistance, and anything else that could get in the way of the truth of this voice being heard
– To close, give simple blessings. Say thank you, I love you, I see you
This is a deep dive. This process above is the tip of the iceberg. If you need support to be with this, I encourage you to find a practitioner who can give a space for you to be with this where you feel supported and held.
Want to explore with me? I have spaces opening up periodically in my programs, write to me with interest, if you like this blog leave a comment here! with love, Alicia
I’m noticing stuff about MONEY. That’s right, I’m going to talk about it! MONEY MONEY MONEY!
Personally, I love money. And money loves me! I wasn’t always here. I’ve completely transformed my relationship to it. I let go of beliefs like “wanting money means I’m a greedy bitch” and introduced beliefs that I resonate with such as “money is a healing tool, access to money means I am able to be more generous and make an impact on the world in the way that I want to.” Money is innocent. People have all kinds of shit and nastiness that they put onto money, but money in its essence is pure. Try it on for yourself….say out loud “I love money.” What happens in your body? Say it out loud. What happens to your voice?
First, this photo is of me when my creativity was BURSTING through the seams of my body….because of pelvic bowl work. More on how that relates to MONEY below. (Side note: the root…pelvic floor, is associated with resources, survival, access to healing, shame and guilt. It’s our most basic primal level in the body. The root is deeply connected to working with money, resources, finances, and shame around it all).
Being in the world of unleashing the TRUTH of the femme power of the body is so interesting because I KNOW the results I’m offering are 100%. Every. Single. Time…it’s powerful. And it’s not me. I am a conduit & messenger for this offering but really, it’s the work & the magnificence of the true power of your body…..it’s all inside of you.
This is my biggest offering to you: THIS IS YOU! YOU ARE POWERFUL! OWN IT!
If you know you’re supposed to work with me, you know. And if you want to go at this alone or with another practitioner, do that. I’m your biggest cheerleader to follow what’s true. If you know this road and you’ve got the tools and don’t feel you need more, right on and power to you! I KNOW 100% that the people I work with are ready for this when they make their way to me. And sometimes the MONEY piece becomes sticky. Resistance, big emotions, fears, and money stories come in. I’m noticing some common things and maybe it will help you to normalize if this is happening for you:
1. Any other thing can seem more important than investing money on this part of your body and journey.
Your pet’s medical bills, your kids need school supplies, upcoming travel plans, your business expenses….Whatever, that list never stops. If this is something you know is right, What would it be like to put yourself first? Putting yourself ahead of your partners’ or kids’ needs may not even be in your awareness as a “possibility”, but I say it’s time for women to let go of those patterns. INTERRUPT the over-giving. Begin to see how the system has taught you that YOUR energy, time, and money is for everyone else except you. (ps: Fuck that sh*t).
2. You wonder if this can really work for you.
Something about your mindset tells you that whatever current contraction in your life / body is meant to be here forever. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re so fucked up, nothing works for you and there’s no point in opening yourself up to the vulnerability (trust me, this is a vulnerable process, I don’t lie about that). You’re going to wait until the miraculous spontaneous healing shows up without doing your emotional work, or worse you’re just going to be where you are, indefinitely.
3. You don’t believe you truly deserve or are worth it.
Because of your life, the past, the agreements you’ve made, you genuinely believe you don’t deserve pleasure, joy, love, respect, healing, and fulfillment.
4. You’re scared about the money. Money is shameful and not to be trusted, money shame and guilt runs through your cells.
Your beliefs about money (example: “wanting money is greedy”) impacts your choices so heavily you feel ashamed when you do spend money and deprived when you don’t. Any investment in yourself means it must be a waste of money. You’ve invested before and been disappointed. This is crippling. Try this on, say to yourself “Money is easeful. I am allowed to have money just because.” What happens in your body? Do you know how to receive and hold money? Do you know how to tolerate money and resources. Are you ready to see money as a healing tool?
5. At the core of it all, you’re afraid that if this isn’t “the fix”
Every time someone has told you that you’re broken, beyond help, stupid, or whatever else will be TRUE. You are scared of that BS being affirmed and it seems much safer to avoid it all together and tell yourself to just “pull it together” and that you don’t need support.
I call BS! I do this from a place of such love because I know those stories. Since I stepped into healing my pelvic bowl, my place of power and the essence of my being, EVERYthing shifted. I had to contact myself and let myself be known and felt at my deepest core to finally realize my full power. Consider….
1. Number ONE is your well-being.
You are the most important foundation to the expansion and fulfillment of your own life and your family. If you are a mother, have you noticed that when you’re doing well your loved ones seem to buzz around you? When you are doing well, you can show up all the way for LIFE and those you love. When we are truly serving and feel we have a sense of purpose and also feel deeply connected to ourselves, the world benefits.
2. This works. Bottom line.
No matter what you’ve been through. No matter the scars and wounds you’ve suffered, there is NOTHING that cannot heal. Nothing. From the deepest suffering comes the deepest expansion and bliss. Trust me. There’s no need for detail here but I have seen multiple UNSPEAKABLE traumas release from people’s bodies and the most shut-down body open up into power and love. Sometimes it is intense. Yet, it can be gentle and loving. Do not be afraid.
3. You are worth it.
You are here on this planet. It is time to stomp those feet and OWN YOUR SPACE! What will you offer to the world if you are small, shameful, and sulking through life? Nothing. How can you impact the world, those you love, your own body, and your community better? Show up and do your healing work. This benefits EACH person you mentor, love, teach, and speak to. I am CALLING YOU. It is time.
4. Any investment you EVER make in yourself is well spent.
Even if it never comes back to you (and don’t be fooled, this work impacts your creativity / cognitive power / money beliefs and patterns of receptivity which impacts your bank account). Once you are connected to your own magnetism and have released money shame and guilt, your whole relationship to money changes. Don’t believe me? Look at the people in this world who are connected to their power and their pelvic bowl. Look at the people who move their hips. Are they grounded? Thriving? Happier? Powerful? Why would you think this would be different for you?
5. Anyone in your life who has not believed in you, criticized you, abused you, said nasty things, or simply couldn’t recognize you for who you are…..they were WRONG.
That was about them, not you. You believed it to be true because you’re a sensitive being but this is your chance to master the art of being a sensitive person. Sensitivity is a gift that takes deep learning. And now we say NO MORE to the abuse and instead open up to deep love, grace, power, respect, pleasure, and all of the expansion in the universe that wants to run through your body.
So? What’s it gonna be? Are you going to show up? Are you going to choose something different even though it may make you feel a little sick to do so?
Ok ! Done. That speech I don’t pull out all the time but I had to unpack this because money stuff is UP. With what’s happening in the USA around politics, money, power, women’s bodies, the #metoo movement, survival, shame and guilt……this is a big one.
Your power and body is your BIRTHRIGHT. This is available to you. Do you trust yourself? Write to me , I want to connect with you.
ps: In this photo collaboration I explored having the cosmos painted onto my body, and because of how MUCH I have invested in getting connected to my body, it was one of the most creative phases of my life!
I wrote about sexual archetypes recently and it inspired me to touch in on the queen. The queen is a powerful archetype for many women in today’s world because she takes NO SHIT.
For me, connecting to my inner queen meant coming into deep relationship with my pelvic bowl and specifically…my uterus. In many healing systems, the uterus / prostate is the center of wisdom & intuition in the body. (Here I am trying on my queen self).
She is the ultimate power! (My uterus is a she, I always encourage clients to find the personality that suits your uterus the most.) She is my intuition. She has steered me into the most amazing life once I learned how to listen and respect her. It was a real journey and still is. There were times when I wanted to give up because the emotional pain that had to release from this space in my body was so intense before I could feel pleasure here. There were also the most satisfying moments like when I got the image of my uterus strutting her stuff as Chiquita Banana and having cervix / uterine orgasms (the ultimate experience that I will never forget). The images people receive of their uterine network in metaphor are priceless.
In the holistic pelvic world, the uterus and ovaries (and all the parts of the body really but ESPECIALLY these areas) have a personality. They have their own voice. EVERY single time, when we tune into these spaces in our body with deep listening and curious love, we get a response. Every time!
Once I connected to my inner Queen, everything changed. My lifestyle, my relationships, sex on all levels, boundaries, and more. I felt clear, like laser clear about who & what I allowed into my life and the purpose it all serves. Most simply put, anything that wasn’t serving me fully fell out of my life.
Want to tap into your Queen energy?
Begin here. I always invite a lot of curiosity and compassion for yourself here:
– place your hands on your lower belly, with your fingers touching your pubic bone and your thumbs upward underneath your belly button. Let your touch be caring, gentle, and present
– imagine your uterus sitting there right in the center of your pelvic bowl. Say hello, how is she (or your own name) feeling? What is happening?
– what message is there for you? what does your Queen tell you about the questions you have about your life and choices?
– as you build your presence in your pelvic bowl, you may revisit with this space frequently and this is the path of beginning to live a life that is connected to your inner wisdom. Living from your center instead of living from the head
** people who have had their uterine system removed can still do this practice! Even if the organ has been removed from the body or the menstrual cycle has ceased, there is an energetic power center here.
Want to explore with me? I have spaces opening up periodically in my programs, write to me with interest, leave your comments here, I love hearing from you! With love, Alicia
Free-bleeding. Ever heard of this? It’s a whole new way for most people. I know I certainly didn’t begin my menstrual journey in this way and sometimes I still feel sad about that.
I recently wrote a few posts about the menstrual cycle and I felt like I had to follow up with free-bleeding. I’m going to give a peak into my journey, illuminate the purpose & gifts of this practice, and give you a few resources if you want to look into it.
My journey started with standard bleached pads and tampons, for years. Once I learned about materials / quality and impact on the vaginal tissue (a very receptive space in the body), I felt really sad for my body and the quality of material that had been there every month for years.
How tampons impact our body
During my pelvic floor training with Tami Kent, we touched on how tampons produce an inflammatory response in the tissue each time they are used. I couldn’t even try to count the amount of tampons I’ve used, but I know that was a lot of inflammation and again, I felt sad and confused. I know that this is political, advertising and the amount of money companies make off women’s bodily needs is just insane, but that’s not what this post is about.
Alternative options for your menstrual cycle
Years later, I started to look into alternative way to manage my bleeding time. My first look outside of tampons / regular pads was the menstrual cup. There are many versions available now. This did really well for me for years. I felt much better about the material (even though it was rubber and now I’m not a fan), I knew I wasn’t producing the same kind response in my tissue, and I could feel a difference in what it actually felt like to bleed instead of “plugging” it.
Eventually, my cervix told me that it was not right to have a cup pressed up against this space while I was supposed to be releasing everything out. It was really uncomfortable for me to remove and the brand of the cup didn’t mention that if you tug on the cup without removing the suction, it can actually be pretty challenging for the cervix to feel that. Again, this made a lot of sense to me. It felt like pressure. It was uncomfortable. It felt crampy.
I’d heard about sea sponges but felt concerned about leaking. I had an awkward period of time where I was using homemade pads but they shifted positions easily, were hard to keep in place, and I ended up leaking onto clothes a few times. That’s when I found out about period underwear and my relationship to this bleed time got completely flipped upside down!
That was years ago and honestly I cannot imagine going back to having ANYthing up in my body while I am in this natural release phase. In fact, I realized the other day that it’s been years since anything besides a human body or a stone has been inside of me. No cups. No tampons. No nothing except human flesh and something that comes from the earth. I know that’s a little extreme, that’s just my way, I know that there are a lot of considerations that come in here when it comes to how to take care of our bleeding time so I have no judgment. My hope is to give you permission about exploring this for yourself.
Free-bleeding is the practice of simply letting the blood come out in its own natural way.
Onto underwear. Onto the earth (can be challenging to orchestrate but is a powerful experience in itself). Into plants (yes, houseplants LOVE menstrual blood! Try it, it’s great medicine for them). Into water. Into the toilet.
Free-bleeding is a different experience than the plug method.
And, it’s really healthy for the vaginal canal. Menstrual blood is packed with the nutrients that is necessary to make life. Letting that blood wash through the vaginal canal is a powerful healing tool that is available to us each month!
Even if free-bleeding is not right for you all the time (like if you want to go swimming, or have a particularly long day where you can’t afford to change your underwear mid-day, or you want to wear a certain outfit that can’t accommodate), I want to encourage you to practice free-bleeding when you can and bring curiosity. Perhaps at night and in the morning when you first wake before the day gets going. Perhaps one day when you’re at home all day. At this point, I find menstrual blood beautiful and it always makes me feel awe. Every single time.
Really, menstruation time is a time of meditation and deep internal states. I try to take a lot of time off for my bleeding time (I go into this in my other blog post on the cycle: https://yourinnerpower.org/
Thinxx Underwear for Free-Bleeding
What I personally do now is I have two sets of the Thinxx underwear (so I know I have enough and don’t have to do emergency laundry). If you have fibroids I know it can be challenging for the body to sit on blood for long periods of time, so you may want to consider how to work with that. Now that it’s been years, I can feel when my body really needs to release the blood and I just make sure I have access to a toilet every hour or so on the heavier bleeding days.
Questions? Need help? Write to me!
With love, Alicia
Its an especially potent time to write about sexual power. In my journey to being a fully embodied woman, this has been a huge piece. Pretty central because it’s led me directly to the work I do that lights me UP so fully. To me, sex is natural and powerful and all around us. The metaphors are all around. From crystals, trees, conch shells, flowers, fruit, soft rolling hills…the sexual nature of the human body is reflected everywhere in sacred geometrical patterns.
My Journey to Sexual Power
I ran into this photo recently at the studio of the photographer I work for. An important part of my embodiment journey has been in front of the camera. As a broke graduate student I began modeling as a side gig. From nude figure drawing to costume photoshoots as you see to the left, I traversed the land of embodying different parts of myself and being witnessed by people who saw the human form and expression as art, sacred, and beautiful. When I first read about nude modeling, I knew that I needed to step into it as a way to help me heal my self-hating patterns around my body image.
It was rough in the beginning. When I first started, I was still in a place of hating on my body and shitting on myself. It was pretty painful to go through a three-hour modeling session with shame, guilt, and hatred of my body going on internally while I was doing my best to offer something to the artists. It was miserable and I decided it had to stop. Over time, this internal pain started to shift to power, playful, pleasure, confidence, and mystery. I should also note that I was doing this modeling work intensively (sometimes 4 times per week) while I was in a deep therapeutic journey with a therapist, doing a lot of focused embodiment practices, and reading everything I could find on healing the womanhood journey.
Shame & Taboo
The reaction I got from people when I shared these parts of myself was wild! Some of what came toward me were intense. That’s the nature of working with the shadow. When we play with anything taboo, we open the door for others’ unfinished business. Society, family, teachers, partners, coaches…whoever. We all get messages that certain parts of ourselves are not welcome, too much, wrong, dirty, blah blah. That begins the shut-down process where we start to put away certain aspects of ourselves from young ages in order to fit in, please others, stay safe, etc. Or we react and embody ONLY this part of ourselves out of rebellion. Fragmentation (where we become a person who has a ton of little boxes around all the parts of ourselves) around sexuality is one of the biggest themes I work with because it is such a shadowy part of this culture (porn, assault, conversion therapy, etc).
Permission To Be A Sexual Being
This is a huge part of the work I do. It’s basic. The most basic things are often the most impactful. By allowing someone to be a full human being, their magic begins to come online in the place of the shut-down. On the embodiment level, sexuality is about pleasure pathways in the body. If we know these networks in ourselves, we can learn to be the master of them. We know when to unleash them, who to share them with, and what our boundaries are.
When I work with people and pleasure or “sexual energy” starts to come online in their body, a lot of things can happen. It is SO common for people to go immediately into shame and thinking they’ve done something wrong. Other emotions that come up are guilt, fear, anger, and rage. Anything that was imprinted early on in the bodily system, anything that hasn’t been released or integrated, will show itself. From the comments we heard about our bodily functions to the way we look to the nature of intimacy and sexual acts. Owning our sexual power means addressing all of these imprints inside of us and allowing our patterns of wholeness, pleasure, connection, and trust in ourselves to show up in their place. It’s a kind of re-wiring and it’s full of repair and healing. Letting them speak to the reality of what’s happening, such as “I feel warm, tingly, and nourished. This is pleasure and it is all mine. It is for me. I like it. This is good for me. I trust myself and I know my body” re-patterns the system.
As we release sexualized shame, guilt, and fear we open to trust, love, and health.
I have to mention boundaries. Sexual and pelvic boundaries are not something the culture teaches. Unfortunately, this culture teaches fear, shame, abuse of power, hyper-sexual behavior, trauma cycles of repeat abuse, and everything in between. The boundaries we have with ourselves and the ones we have with others are paramount to our health. Navigating this terrain is a MUST in my mind if we want to journey toward our fullness because sex is a part of our being. It’s not all that we are, but it is a vital part of our life-force.
** There is a lot of work in the field of sexuality that looks (to me) like it’s lacking boundaries and in my world that is a problem. I’m not going to write a whole article on that here but I have to say: teachers who have sex with their students under the label of “sexual transformation / liberation” when it’s actually a non-consensual or altered-state induced power-play…BARF. No. Absolutely no. This is abuse of power and it’s a problem.
Embodying and playing with archetypes is a powerful exploration. This particular photoshoot above was many years ago, a “Goth Glamour” theme where my shadow was fully welcomed and wanted. The destructive, all-engulfing unapologetic goth bride! She is a bad-ass. Curious about archetypes? These inquiries can be re-visited over and over as your life & body changes:
– learn about the archetypes. Archetypal energy is something that is universal, that has certain qualities and properties that can be found all over the world (example that everyone loves: the all-devouring, destructive Goddess Kali, who embodies pure sexual energy, cycles of creation & death, and the wholeness of the Universal play, she is the one who destroys in order for life to continue)
– there are many femme sexual archetypes (slut, whore, virgin, maiden, wild woman, mother, priestess, Queen, crone, vixen, goddess, siren, seductress, and more)
– find the ones that are home base for you, the energies that you feel are comfortable and natural to you
– find the ones that are a push, edge, or unfamiliar to you. Whether it’s from repulsion, shame, intimidation, or simple lack of knowledge about the energy the archetype represents
– journey inside of yourself with the range of the archetypes. Journal, envision, invite each of these into your being as you are willing
– take responsibility for yourself, your feelings, choices, and behaviors. Taking responsibility for ourselves is part of embodying archetypes (for example, it is not ok for someone to be a chaotic abusive mess to their children and partner and then say “it’s just my Kali energy coming out”)….if we know these parts of ourselves, we can connect with them and heal instead of letting them rule our behavior through acting on every little impulse
Most importantly…have fun! Like what you’ve read? Write to me! Leave your comments here, with love and devotion, Alicia
How Non-Goal Oriented Sex Can Transform Your Entire Life
Tantra can mean a whole lot of different things. I’m going to be talking about tantric practices that are centered around finding the sacredness in all things, especially our bodies. This lens can be applied to sex. It’s simply the art of being present and taking pleasure in being, being in the body, feeling the body, being connected to the senses, feeling connected to another person or something in the universal play that you is powerful to you.
The tantric way in regards to sex & the body is often brought in when people are struggling with sex, desire, relationship & want to discover that something else is available to them. However, it can be so much more than that. It can elevate the bodily experience of expansion in ways that you’ve never imagined even if you’re really happy with your sex life and feel like “everything is great.”
10 tips to enter tantric sex
So I encourage you to come with an open mind and care, as always. You can apply this to yourself, the way you walk and live in the world, your sexual encounters with yourself & others, and more.
1. Be aware of breathing. Your own breath. Others breathe. The breath can tell us so much. Pay attention to pace, sensation, sound, tone, and depth.
2. Learn about your senses. Give yourself or your partner deep sensory experiences. Explore different ways of touching, tastes, smells, sounds, and playing with lighting / vision / space. Making a sensually pleasing environment has big impacts on sexual exchanges. Setting a space as sacred in an intentional way can be a new and highly pleasurable way to connect with your own body or your partner if you’re working with exchange.
3. Pay attention to your emotions. Take good care of your emotional space as a way to prepare yourself for a deep experience. Tend to your emotions as you enter into this dialogue. Ask for what you want, need, and imagine before entering into sexual space as it can be hard to access thinking/talking if you’re already deep into a relaxed space that is more about the senses and feelings than words.
4. Inquire into consent & boundaries with yourself and your partner. Personally, I love “The Wheel of Consent” model to give a helpful container for discussing consent and power.
5. Make agreements with yourself and anyone you’re engaging with that feel necessary to create safety. Safety and trust is the key to deep opening and ecstasy.
6. Take it slow. Really slow. Explore touch and intimacy without penetration a few times. Penetrative sex can often take us into old ways of being & patterns that we may be trying to unlock.
7. Explore yoni / lingam massage. With yourself or with a partner this is a powerful practice. There are videos / techniques you can look up and follow. But this is simply connecting with the genitals in a loving, non-goal oriented way. This can produce arousal / erection / lubrication but it doesn’t have to. I recommend almond oil but any kind of oil that feels right to you can be nourishing to the skin and help with making it enjoyable. Build presence in your hands before you touch. Breathe into and feel the warmth in your hands. Soft, attuned, gentle hands. During this more slow process, it may be helpful to ask your partner how they are doing, feeling, requests, etc. Massage all around the genitals, underneath the bottom of the pelvic bowl, the hips and pelvic bony structure. Bring aliveness to the entire pelvic region.
8. If you do go into the penetrative experience, focus on slow, sensual, connected to feeling. A lot of friction / tension can be built up in vigorous sex especially if the body is not prepared for it. Let sensitivity and soft awareness spread through your body.
9. Consider letting go of the idea / desire / goal of orgasm & ejaculation. These experiences can be powerful and uplifting some ways and draining in others. There are some research anecdotes about couples who avoid building to big orgasm having less conflict, more pleasure, more ease, emotional regulation, less depression etc. If an orgasm happens, let it happen naturally and know that there’s no shame in it all…this is a long practice to begin to cultivate orgasm / ejaculation control. Discuss it all with your partner and be curious. Gentle and more subtle orgasmic expansion can happen through the deep internal body after more practice which feels different than the big peak & release. The tenet of this one is “if orgasm is a release of pleasure, why do we want to release it? Why wouldn’t we practice keeping this pleasure?” Remember there are no rules or right way, this is a journey, let it be one!
10. Look into tantric practices if you want more. There are ample resources out there. I myself enjoy the book “Tantric Sex for Men” though it’s no longer in print. There are newer books about Kama Sutra, Urban Tantra, audio programs about the Tantric way, in-perosn workshops and programs. My suggestion is always to notice how you feel about the tone, people facilitating, way of writing, etc. There are some wild things that happen in the tantra world so using your own discretion can be a helpful reminder. Just like with anything that is important, with people you feel solid and confident in.
The Power of Healing Between Women
For the longest time, I had a rough relationship with women. The healing that is possible between women is really profound to me. In this post, I’m going to write about healing between women, why it’s important, and a few tips for you to look into for your own life.
I’ve always had a robust circle of women around me. However, for a good chunk of my life these relationships were filled with anger, competition, catty behavior, gossip, confusion…They were also filled with laughter, sarcasm, humor, and a lot of positive things. It’s not like it was all dysfunctional, it was a complex experience which was part of what was really confusing!
It’s common in this society we live in for girls and women to get messages that say “in order to survive & succeed, you must dominate and be above others”…ESPECIALLY between women. This is a big one. For example, just think of all the stereotypes and cultural fears about women stealing another’s man. These things run deep!
Often times women will put themselves down in order to make others feel good. Or put others down in order to make themselves feel better. Or withhold themselves out of fear and jealousy. I’ve had women be mean to me for reasons that I never understood. Whether it was about personality, beauty, mutual friends, there always seemed to be something that felt a little dangerous. And I’ve had to admit to myself that I used to have some “mean girl” behaviors that I would watch myself do and then feel confused about later. It was painful. There was always something, some kind of reason for me to stay at arms-length & distanced from women. Or too overly-involved in a way that started to feel fused to the point where I lost my sense of self.
All of this is a distraction from the true intimacy that is possible between women where mutual support and tenderness is allowed to live among the laughs.
Once I started my journey of self-discovery, this was one of the first themes that presented itself. I continue to work on all of this and I’m so happy to see our culture making small shifts toward health here. I still come across many layers of disempowerment & challenge in myself as I go deeper. I’m not perfect and I don’t think anyone is, this is a deep learning.
So much of this comes out in my work. When I work with women, we are often navigating the emotions that come up regarding intimacy, trust, power, communication, respect, and care between women. Receiving care in such an intimate way from a woman often brings a well of emotion. And there is space for it. That’s part of the journey.
A few of the themes that often arise are:
– the experience of the mothering we received, whether it’s about our own biological mother, other family members or mother-like figures in our life
– our experience of the prenatal journey of our life, our birth story, and our early life as an infant
– receiving support and care from a woman
– letting go of the expectation around competition & mean behaviors that can exist between women
– stepping into relationships that feel full of honor, mutual respect, power, and trust. The tenderness, humility, power, and gratitude that can come from this level of embodied learning
An exercise to do with yourself:
– Journal about all of your associations with the words “woman, female, feminine”
– Reflect on what it all means to you
– Reflect and inquire into your history and associations with these aspects of yourself and your relationships
– What feels tender? Nourishing? Confusing? Charged, angry, grief-filled, or any challenging emotional experience? Joyful? Loving?
I commend you for your courage and willingness to look into this. In my experience, the complexity of female relationships is like a long spiral. Just as soon as we get through one level, something else pops its head up. I love offering support and encouragement around this because others have done that for me. Making it safe for a woman to look into this, ask questions and be messy was one of the biggest gifts I’ve ever received. It feels like part of my life’s purpose to pass that experience on.
Reach out to me, I always love hearing from you, with love, Alicia
Fatigue. Burnout. Over-caffeinating. Rushing. Exhaustion. Fried.
Familiar? I know I’ve had to encounter this battle full-on through my journey to deeper nourishment and power within myself. In this world today where the sheer speed of the way many humans are living promotes a certain kind of frenzied nature, it’s hard to find balance. I’m going to talk about the pelvic bowl and how it relates to fatigue & burnout and give you a practice to begin this journey.
The pelvic floor is the tissue lining the very bottom of your pelvic bowl (the bowl is made up of the bony structure). The pelvic floor is like the foundation of a building. If the foundation is off, the whole rest of the structure suffers. It goes the same in the body. If the ground level layer of the body is suffering, numb, tense, over-worked, injured etc, everything above it (digestion, reproductive system, heart, brain) feels it. In many traditions, power is meant to come from the ground up, spiraling up toward the sky. When the foundation of that power surge is “off” , the rest of the system is having to come up with its power and resource seemingly from thin air.
This is why addressing the pelvic floor has such profound effects on emotional regulation, creativity, clear vision & thinking, communication, and more.
A few windows into the wiring of the body:
– a nerve in the cervix connects up into the throat (this is why cervix experiences can change the voice)
– the nerves in the pelvic floor run into the bottom of the spine, which sends impulses up into the brain
– the nerves in the pelvic bowl run up into the center of the upper belly and form a little bundle which is a space many people hold a high amount of tension / nervousness / activation / stress
Is your brain having some expansion moments by now or is just me? Understanding this and feeling this in my own body blew me away.
* Not to mention pleasure. The networks of vitality are abundant in the pelvic bowl. The spectrum of numbness to ecstasy is a wild one to walk and once you start, the body does seriously amazing things. There’s so much more there about consent, gentleness, and nuance that I’ll address in another post.
As you’re probably beginning to see…for me, everything originates in the pelvic bowl. To begin to address your own pelvic floor, follow this practice:
– make contact with your pelvic floor from the outside of your body (the easiest way to do this is to place one hand cupping over your vulva / genitals)
– breathe into your own hand, like you’re filling your hand with your breathe
– notice what you feel
– slow down. stay there. keep breathing. if you don’t feel anything, that is common at times, keep giving yourself presence until you do feel something…sometimes that can take minutes or weeks
– if you want to explore the pelvic floor from the inside, stay tuned for the post on de-armoring that will be a follow up to this
Making sense to you?
Questions? I love exploring this FULLY in my programs. Write to me with inquiries, with love, Alicia